Style-savvy Patient Gifts

'Do the flu masks come in other colors?'

New Shoes.

"And now. . . which shoes?"

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"Trust me, detainee orange is going to be huge this fall."

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

Ladies Fashions - "Money isn't tight - you are!"

"I'm thinking of changing my parting."

"If they're already killing you, you know they're the right fit."

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"A guy in 'recovery' wants to buy your slippers."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'We want to adopt a kid. Do you have a choice our feng shui consultant can look at?'

"It's a very hip disease, so it's good that we caught it early, before everyone's talking about it."

'I can just make it out. She's saying 'call my hairdresser'.'

"Wow! I didn't even know Prada made pencil cases."

'Can we do a quick respray to match her super new outfit?'

I've been so stressed, I'm getting back into yoga. Good idea! We all need peaceful time to center and renew the soul. Go for it! I would, but � My workout duds are totally last year. We have catalogs for that.

"This is our new one-piece for the more mature ladies."

'Take ten years off the top.'

"I'm going to prescribe a generic placebo."

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

Designer labels "I'm sorry, but I think I've forgotten your name."

"Have you ever wondered what I'd look like in skinny jeans?"

'What do you call a blonde doing hand stands? A brunette.'

A School Girl and Teacher.

Do you have a larger suit in the same size?

Blonde woman talking to airport bookshop assistant, 'I'll be spending a lot of time by the pool - do you have anything in pink that would match my bikini?'

"We've ruled out anything trendy."

'Maybe a tad too much eye makeup.'

'His hairdresser died last year, and he won't go to anyone else.'

'Growing a beard?' - 'Yes, not so much face to wash.'

"How can we afford to eat at a place where the doggie bags are Gucci?"