Style-savvy Financier Gifts

'My investment portfolio is a mixed bag. It's performing well but it lacks panache.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'Simply put, we are on our ninth life!'

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

"We've made $7.50. Can we retire yet?"

Hats: Management/Good Job/Friendly but Aloof.

"He put the 'fun' in funding."

Haute C. E. O., Business Couture - Lean In.

'Prof. Sigurdt has made giant strides in making genetic engineering profitable.'

Attempting to understand the market: Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner and Freud.

'With the current healthcare situation, my son decided he wants a junior investment banker kit.'

"It's called investing! You give me your worm now, I eat half of it, feed the other half to the fish and, in a month, we share the fish 10/90 my way. . ."

Got anything for the small investor?

'I received your cheque twice, once from you and once from the bank.'

'My dad showed me how to make awesome paper airplanes out of corporate bonds.'

'I'm here to test the magic 8-ball.'

"Jeffrey's in futures."

'The acme fund...1 yr, 10...5 yr, 12...10 yr, 17.'

'It's true. You can go wrong with basic black.'

'We're not doing cash transactions any more, sir -- research has shown that they're not cost-effective.'

'From living beyond our means, we've gone to living beyond our wildest expectations!'

'I'm mainly interested in something that won't show up on teaching evaluations.'

'...anything else, sir?'

"Relax, Eddie. Our research division says the fundamentals look good."

'As a general rule of thumb, if your only assets are your frequent flyer miles, you don't need to create a trust for your children.'

'Oh, Cynthia. I must tell you. I just found the cutest little mutual fund...'

Stock Tips: $5 - 'What not to buy'

'So, you're a serious investor? Lighten up!'

'Banking fashion show 97' 'New services and products' 'Electronic banking'.

"Did you get a christmas bonus, dear?"