Style-conscious Investor Gifts

'It's true. You can go wrong with basic black.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"Thank god I bought my layers."

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

"But don't let my wacky tie fool you. We actually take business very seriously around here."

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

Wall Street Couch

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Day trading.

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"We don't observe 'casual Fridays' here."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

Look At Me I'm Still Wearing Shorts.

'Mind taking off your scarf.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'