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Swell who has called a police officer to pick up his umbrella rather than bend and disturb his collar

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

'She's so put together!'

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

A women in a shoeshop.

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

"Absolutely not!"

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Keeping warm.

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

Mr Metrosexual.

At the suit makers

'Do you like my little black number?'

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'

'Trust me, it's very proper to mix stripes.'

"It's the only way I can justify buying so many shoes."

"Everybody should live in a market economy. It's terrific."

His and Her wardrobe's

"A naked dress is perfect when you have nothing to wear."

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

"That shirt is so last year."

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."