Style-conscious Patient T-Shirts

"We've ruled out anything trendy."

Men's Suits. I hear being suave and sophisticated is coming back in style. That's just an urbane legend.

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Surgery up here is free!"

New Suit.

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

New Shoes.

GQ Magazine: Stay at Home Special.

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Dress for Success suit shop: 'Can I pay you for it later, after I get successful?'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

Tie Rolls

"It's a nice halo and all, but I'm not sure it matches my outfit."

"This IS my day-to-night outfit"

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

Ladies Fashions - "Money isn't tight - you are!"

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

"It's just a beginning, I suppose, but I'm feeling really good about my clothes."

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"I'm thinking of changing my parting."

Choosing What To Wear.

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

GURLERS

"If they're already killing you, you know they're the right fit."

'Dude, ya hat's on backwards.'

'Now that's what I call a beautiful fit.'

"Everything I do I do with panache. I even say panache with panache."

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

"I think your tailor has seriously miscalculated your rise, Herbert."

"When's the last time you shaved, little buddy?"

"A guy in 'recovery' wants to buy your slippers."

'You gotta help me, doctor! I took a deep breath to get some fresh air and inhaled my Blackberry!'

"Would you like your real size or one that artificially inflates your ego?"