Stump Storyteller Gifts

You B*****D

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"At times I wonder what I've done with my life that makes me worth being saved."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

The Environmentalist

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

Cat fishing whilst fish fly overhead.

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

A boy acting suspiciously

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

Today's Special: Rabbit Stew

A huge shark is about to attack a small fishing boat and one of the guys is saying 'Listen... there's that creepy music again' as an orchestra of fish, crabs and an octopus play the theme from Jaws.

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'Hey, Baby! How would you like to kiss the frog formerly known as 'Prince'?'

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Dragon Recycling the Knights it has defeated

'Sorry lady, can't help you: Yes, I can herd pretty much anything, but not cats, and certainly not kittens...'

"Phew, that was close."

How I met your mother

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"There's a cure—but it's light-years away."

75 Years: The Commemorative Issues

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"I'm the ghost of woodshop past."

"I'm not so sure I can handle this."

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

Two 'superheros' show the discrepancy in toilet paper production.