Stump Storyteller Gifts

You B*****D

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"At times I wonder what I've done with my life that makes me worth being saved."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

The Environmentalist

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

Cat fishing whilst fish fly overhead.

A boy acting suspiciously

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

A huge shark is about to attack a small fishing boat and one of the guys is saying 'Listen... there's that creepy music again' as an orchestra of fish, crabs and an octopus play the theme from Jaws.

Today's Special: Rabbit Stew

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

'Hey, Baby! How would you like to kiss the frog formerly known as 'Prince'?'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

Dragon Recycling the Knights it has defeated

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Sorry lady, can't help you: Yes, I can herd pretty much anything, but not cats, and certainly not kittens...'

How I met your mother

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"Phew, that was close."

"There's a cure—but it's light-years away."

75 Years: The Commemorative Issues

'I'd like to report a peeping tom.'

Two 'superheros' show the discrepancy in toilet paper production.

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

For sale, beautiful pea green boat.

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

"I'm not so sure I can handle this."