Stuff Shunner Gifts

“What I lack in stuff I make up for in generational wealth.”

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"O.K., she's sitting fown to write in three...two....one...."

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

'Bring me an in basket and an out basket and some paperwork to shuffle between them.'

Sawdust.

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'Nevermore.'

'Father, meet Sister Kate, she shimmies like a jelly upon a jelly plate.'

"In this company, Simmons, we hold our hands steady in the middle and shake our bodies."

'You like my in-tray full, don't you?'

I've learned that it doesn't do any good to slip broccoli to the dog under the table.

Salvage Hunters

"I want the contract to say that if we win the championship, no one pours champagne on my head."

"It's a 300 page government questionnaire about cutting back on bureaucracy."

"Let's not spoil it by keeping score."

"For goodness sake Timmy, stay out of the shade!"

Changing rooms: Men. Women. Minds.

"He married her for her stuff."

'Do the patches help?'

Magic Trick

"Shuffle Mode"

'I don't like needles: You'll catch me if I faint, won't you doc?'

Coke Dealer

"I'm still righting wrongs. And you?

Tell the people. What? Tomorrow, do not forget. What's happening? Who's talking? You mustn't fail. Everything depends on it. I'm hallucinating. I'm going crazy. To the polls, primate Oh, lawdy. I must cut down the glucose.

Procrastinators Anonymous

The low sodium diet of last resort.'

Brokers

'Bring me an in basket and an out basket and some paperwork to shuffle between them.'

American History/Poetry/Biography.

"I like a man with a good, firm elbow bump."

"I don't want a gadget that does a 1,000 things I don't need. That too much invention for my mental retention."

I can't believe my guardian angel talked me into staying home.