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"Cholesterol medicine commercial, Take 3. This time, try to sound less horrified when you say, 'May cause heart to explode through ears'."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Taking a peek at the audience

Jack Gleeson

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Ladies

"I've outgrown my backpack."

Eric Clapton.

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

'Hey, hey, hey!'

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Music producers.

"Just play the hit single, then you can do the experimental track."

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

I can't wait 'til her tryouts for "Cats" are over.

Mu-ther!! Pu-lease! I already have cleaned my room. I vant to be left alone! So when are the drama club auditions? Everyday.

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics! (Published originally on February 9, 2013).

Doctor Bartolo

George Martin

"I got the part, but I play a waiter."

'Hang on a minute...'

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

Bigger Brain

Von Trapp family masks

"Gracie, I'm so proud that you made the academic decathlon team! Here...have some of my special green tea! Ithelps you concentrate and improves your memory!"

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

'I'm having a hard time balancing homework and family time.'

Bow

"No, I'm still getting too much banjo."

Who's torturing a crow? I'm practicing my play. It's art! Which opens your mind to life's important questions. Right. Like what is art? Or do we need little brothers?

"It's so good to see them studying so hard. Gracie does it because of her thirst for knowledge. Baldo does it out of self-defense."

Drama is the highest form of culture. It combines literature, art and music

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

Hollywood Think Tank