Strictness Satirist Pillows

"You just can't let yourself go, can you!?"

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

Vendor selling testosterone.

Daniel Craig caricature

'I understand he has a hard boiled management style.'

I just bought a new Kindle Voyage. It's much better than my Kindle Paperwhite. Blasphemy, little buddy. A real man lugs around a paperback that he's milled from a fallen Redwood that he lifted off of a baby deer, before reuniting the fawn with its mother. I bought if off of Amazon. I didn't even use "one-click." I used the shopping cart and chose all the options manually. Almost as impressive. I keep it old-school.

Latest science behind social distancing advice

"You do realize you're violating the dress code..."

Home for the Holidays

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

Stay at home

Everyone knew it was a hideous style, but nothing was ever said.

Skinny model in wardrobe - 'Clothes hang better on skinny models.'

Unnecessary Surgery

"Oh God, beards are so passe."

"Wait, sir. It's a new banking regulation -- You can't leave without depositing something."

"I understand the sex scenes have been removed but the balanced-budget and term-limits scenes have been left in."

"Staff shortages and increased workloads means all leave has been cancelled...but as compensation we are being offered enhanced toilet breaks!"

"Hey! If you're gonna use the ladies tee that skirt goes below the knees. And lose the tank top, mister."

'It's another notice from the government - they say we need to add airbags.'

"Be honest: Does this shirt make me look like a blockhead?"

I know, but it's code.

'...And that should cover all my rules for the class.'

'Have you noticed how the building inspector always arrives around lunch time?'

'I tried to get the numberplate PEN 15 but it had gone.'

'Hi Dad... The good news is I've finally found a job...'

"My opinion? The back hair comb-over isn't fooling anyone."

"Nope...your 'Comb Over Ponytail' still isn't trending."

Distressed Clothing Fashion Shop

Do you have one in extra frumpy?

"Disgusting! Those two just took a roll in the hay!"

"Pant height = √belt ÷ age²"

Doc, I firmly believe in portion control as long as I control them!

Will tip for service.

'If you caught that in a wheat field, how do we know it's gluten-free?'