Strict Vegan Gifts

"We're very strict. No soy milk, no veggie burgers, no margarine... nothing that even looks like an animal product."

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"States of tofu"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

Who should be the next eco-club president? The most vegan? The most carbon neutral? The most into solar? Eco-club. But we need someone who will attract kids to the environmental cause. Then it's obvious. The most popular. Or most athletic!

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"Two vegans, please."

Queen of Quinoa

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

Before/After

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Is there a vegan option?"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

'Is this still America?'

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

Like lambs to the slaughter, my ass.

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'It's going to be a vegan.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

Planting veggies