Stress Skeptics Gifts

"You calm down."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Gathering dust isn't dangerous in itself, but it's a sign of lack of exercise.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"Hell: The Airport"

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

'You need some stress.'

"Fit watch say me need more steps."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

A shrink charges $200 an hour, but double chocolate layer cake is only $19.95.

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

Many people suspect that the players aren't the only ones on steroids.

Therapy Group For Those Who Are Afraid of Therapy Groups

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

'Can I have a refund if she puts the weight back on.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"I didn't miss my workout...I didn't miss it one bit!"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'Well at least we got him off the sofa.'

"Exercise?...What you need is more napping!"

''Buy low, sell high' is not considered an aerobic activity.'

Dr. Nutrition, would you say our tuna sandwiches could prevent hair loss? Dr. Nutrition. Given how furry you are, I'll take that as a yes. I will tell our customers the great news. I really appreciate your input, Dr. Nutrition. You are a valued scientific authority. The key to a successful scam is maintaining the pretense at all times.

'Well you were warned about the dangers of sedentary lifestyle.'