Stress Skeptics T-Shirts

"You calm down."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Hell: The Airport"

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Gathering dust isn't dangerous in itself, but it's a sign of lack of exercise.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

'You need some stress.'

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

A shrink charges $200 an hour, but double chocolate layer cake is only $19.95.

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"Fit watch say me need more steps."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Can I have a refund if she puts the weight back on.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

Therapy Group For Those Who Are Afraid of Therapy Groups

"I didn't miss my workout...I didn't miss it one bit!"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'Well at least we got him off the sofa.'

"Sorry. No refunds."

'Well you were warned about the dangers of sedentary lifestyle.'

''Buy low, sell high' is not considered an aerobic activity.'

"Exercise?...What you need is more napping!"