Stress Shopping Strategist Pillows

. . .The frustrated citizen goes to the one place where she can recapture some shred of personal power and control. . .The Bed and Bath Superstore.

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

Changing Room Decisions

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Whelmed and Over-Whelmed

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

Monday around 9PM.

Sad boss: "This one pretty much sums it up."

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

Anger Management: Breathe in and Breathe out.

'I've got it written down...'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

In-tray, Out-tray, While you were on holiday-tray

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

'You need some stress.'

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

"Your blood pressure is too high. Take two of these."

'Turn we women loose in the malls - that'll stimulate the economy.'

Workaholics anonymous open all day every day.

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

Ordnance: 'explode...implode'.

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

'When it comes to shopping, not only does the buck stop here, but so do the fives, tens, twenties, fifties and hundreds.'

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

'But what do you sell?'

The night before the big meeting Frank receives a visit from the PowerPoint Fairy

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'

"I'm incredibly happy - must be the medication speaking."