Street Worker Gifts

A Gentleman and a Sweeper

'How's business tonight?'

"My heart says no, my head says maybe, my you-know-what says yes."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Off Duty.

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

Around here it got a little tricky...

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

The Milky Way (Detail)

"The boss expects us all to be robots."

Snails on road - road works 'slow' sign.

'Jones, I don't like you because it's so hard to find something to blame you for!'

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

'Goodness, the potholes are deep this year, aren't they?'

"I'm not asking for a raise. All I'm asking for is a little warmth and human understanding."

'Only another thirty-four years, five months and fourteen days until I retire.'

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

'A word in my office Jones.'

"Brian's been pursuing a successful career in the City for 25 years..."

"He's in a meeting, but you have 25 seconds to leave a video message."

Corporate Cafeteria. I don't care how many toppings you pizza has --- eating it is not multitasking!

The boss yells at me whenever I try to think outside the box! He's giving you some constrictive criticism!

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

Boss and worker communicating in exclaimation marks.

'I can assure you we take privacy concerns very seriously. Now, on your way out, shut the bloody door.'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

Are you nodding yes, or nodding off?

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'