Streaming Superstar Pillows

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"I, TikTok."

"Everybody gets a raise."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

'And, for the student with the most hits on his or her Facebook page, the award goes to Lisa Skemley!'

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

"Now, is this the kind of painting your Mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

"At our age I'd say we have about two or three binge watches left in us."

"It took a lot of hard work to get here, but it was all worth it in the end."

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

A dog poops an @ symbol.

'Follow the revolution on Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Blogspot,,,'

STRIP Hambone: Computer addict

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

George Best

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

'Yes, doctor, I sang to her constantly as a baby. Her first words were ‘Gimme Ipod'.'

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

"Just wait until you read my tweets."

'Your standardized test scores are impressive, but we have no standardized jobs.'

'Kid, go out there and play like you're worth 29 million plus signing bonus, buyouts, and endorsement deals. '

'Nobody likes me at school. I need a personal assistant, a trainer and a P.R. firm!'

"What's the fun of smelling the Bougainvillea in paradise if I don't smell the envy on Facebook?"

The family tradition lives on: I won the Long Jump and the Triple Jump events...

Just sitting here kicking field goals (smiley face emoji)

Narcissism Clinic.

"I would suggest watching fewer box sets..."

"Would it be possible to change this to something more instagrammable?"

"How many times are you going to playback that last episode of 'Friends'?"