Spectacle Superstar Pillows

'That's still blurry This might be a good time to show you your bill.'

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

"Please refrain from throwing business cards."

Healthy.

"It took a lot of hard work to get here, but it was all worth it in the end."

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

George Best

'Kid, go out there and play like you're worth 29 million plus signing bonus, buyouts, and endorsement deals. '

'Your standardized test scores are impressive, but we have no standardized jobs.'

Optometrist practical jokes

'It's for show and tell!'

The family tradition lives on: I won the Long Jump and the Triple Jump events...

'I don't care what your mother always told you. The way to this man's heart isn't through his stomach!'

"Why, you're not Jim! I really need to get glasses."

"I'm not conceited although, heaven knows, I have every right to be..."

'No matter how often I do the show, I still suffer from stage fright...'

Open Mic Night

"You always seem to get good grades in Show and Tell."

Christmas Special Shopping Trolley.

'Getting old isn't so bad when you consider the only other alternative. . .'

Sit ups.

Tease-Maid - Wakey wakey four-eyes!

'I strongly recommend a surgeon who can putt over one who hits the long drive.'

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'