Strategy Simplifier Gifts

Somebody simplified our marketing plan.

'We need to agree a target date for identifying the targets in our target reduction strategy.'

'Any questions?'

"Profit, loss, why must you all make everything so complicated?"

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

"We need to eliminate the middleman."

"Do you call this a business plan?"

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

'Apparently, wild hopes and dreams, re-enacted by Barbie and Ken, are no substitute for a solid business plan.'

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"....which brings me to number one: Thinking inside the box."

"Things moving too fast. We need to get back to our roots. And grubs."

Boss: '...Let's not forget who our customers are!' (It turns out they just have one left).

"While we haven't actually achieved these results yet the existence of this chart demonstrates our preparation."

'I've taken the liberty of simplifying the latest data.'

Chess player looking dazed playing computer,"He's crashed."

DOH should create a simple prevalence formula that works.

"You're right! It is much easier to explain it this way!"

"Always be prepared."

Interior Un-Decorator: We Help You Downsize!

"We can't make the perfect product, but with a little luck and a lotta data, we can make the perfect customer."

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

'To put it simply, our policy just isn't complicated enough.'