Straightforward Communicator T-Shirts

'According to the blood tests, x-rays and EKG... You're fat.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

Fear of news.

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

Woman on the phone.

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

"Go on, say it again, 'I love you' in Armadillo."

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

Time for speeches

'Of course, this social contract will have to remain hypothical until someone invents writing.'

We can do ANYTHING if we all work TOGETHER.

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

"Your free-floating anxiety is floating over to me."

"Your lasagna was dismal, as was the coffee, but you, Sofi, are fabulous at Pictionary!"

Just a little heads up!

'I'm dropping you a lion.'

'This is Kevin O'Shea, my big sister's answering service.'

If a tweet is sent out and no one signs up to read it, does it exist? Happens millions of times a day.

It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...

Augmented reality check

"If I ever start using emojis have me moved to an assisted-living facility."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but your sweaty hand is grossing me out."

'The therapy is working... I don't use all caps in emails anymore.'

"Watch out for Bernie...he's a man of few words but a lot of gestures."

"I have difficulty expressing my feelings."

'This is Jake. I'm not in now, so please leave a message...HELLO! HELLO! This is Jake! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm just mesin' with you! I'm still NOT in!'

'Nurse, I said boil the instruments, not roast them.'

'If you're not sure of the name of a client then check it on the system, don't just shout 'Hey Fatso'.'

"Darn it, she's unreachable when she gets her inbox down to zero."

"Idolistentopodcastsatdoublespeed. How'dyouknow?"

'If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.'

"Anything wrong, sweetie pie? You've been ignoring the tip jar lately."