Storytime Negotiator T-Shirts

"I'll read you a story but on condition that you convert and download my vinyl record collection onto this blasted thing."

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

"Houston, we have a problem!"

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

Parenting Skills Training

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"Miss Rogers, Sally Green. Is it true my son's research project is 'the effect of too much television on a typical ten-year-old?'"

"It's by A.I. Milne."

"No screen time means more scream time."

Noah's Nark.

"And after the prime rate declined by half a point, the Dow rose by thirty-two, guess what happened to Goose and Fox?"

"At last they paid off their sub-prime fairy-tale and lived happily ever after."

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

Old woman who lives in a shoe with sick children.

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

''Open Sesame' would make a great password, wouldn't it?'

'Early to bed and early to rise? It's a deal.'

'Once upon a time, in a faraway land with a budget surplus...'

"No offense Dad, but is this available on DVD?"

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'

Wolf snacks vending machine: 3 Little Pigs, Little Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks.

'Wait a minute...You're the enchanted unicorn?'

"Tonight the covers stay on my side."

"...and although the tortoise was severely speed-challenged, he achieved his sales quota through a strict goal-specific program."

"I'm not eating candy before dinner. I'm skipping dinner."

"It's a note from teacher. She wants to trade the apple I gave her for my chocolate fudge brownie."