Storytime Master T-Shirts

Little Girl Educating Her Horse.

The Poky Little Pupa.

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

Little Princess.

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'A is for Arse.'

'Because of the mess, 'Mr. Potato Salad-Head' never took off.'

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

"Again? I read you your Miranda rights last night."

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

"We call it 'learning to read', not 'battling illiteracy'."