Storytelling Junkies T-Shirts

"OK kids, I'll tell the story one more time..."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

The Fourth Little Pig

Victor Hugo

'Where was the TSA?'

Saint George and the Drag Queen

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Audio Books

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"Recalculating route..."

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

Little Buttercup HMS Pinafore

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

Moby Dick

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

This side is the gag reel.

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"