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Mime Prison

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

The Fourth Little Pig

Saint George and the Drag Queen

'Where was the TSA?'

McMorkim's Cheeses Security A gang of mice wheeling in a giant mousetrap with Pizza and Beer as bait to a Security Guard's post hoping to gain access to a cheese Factory if the Guard is trapped.

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Recalculating route..."

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

Little Buttercup HMS Pinafore

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

Moby Dick

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

Jacques et Jille

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

Hansel and Gretal