Storytelling Admirers T-Shirts

"I lived for wine, women and song. Now I'm a tone-deaf, gay alcoholic."

"The Cheshire Cactus"

"Somebody's been sitting in my chair."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

The Fourth Little Pig

"Feel free to take notes."

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Saint George and the Drag Queen

'Where was the TSA?'

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

Little Buttercup HMS Pinafore

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Recalculating route..."

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

Moby Dick

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Jacques et Jille

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

Hansel and Gretal

Alberich steals the gold

"Personally, I loved your novel. Unfortunately, our e-book editor says it just doesn't work on the little screen!"