Storytelling Aficionados T-Shirts

"The great thing about the ball taking place on Zoom is that you can wear sweatpants."

"No, thanks. I'm in training."

Wolf blows down house to reveal pig sitting on toilet.

'Every time he tells this story the Fisherman gets smaller.'

"It's my first novel."

'That's the last time I'll organise a picnic for that bunch of t*****s.'

'No no no - the narrator didn't say that, he said this...'

Father with 'Children's Story Book - Parental Advisory, Explicit'

"Yeah, I get the same thing. Walked four miles to school in the snow....I guess there weren't any cars of busses when our parents were our age!"

"It all began in first grade...when I didn't play well with others. . ."

"Eve, do you realize that neither you nor I ever had a childhood?"

'I hate to let you go, but I can't afford an astrologer AND a spin doctor.'

'Wait a sec! 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times' - is this gonna be a long story?'

Little Red Riding Hoodie.

Tough town: NO sitting on wall! 'You'll fry for this, Humpty!'

Did Alice really shrink?

Jerome Higgins, World Champion of boring people to death.

'Are you blokes crazy? Are you gonna listen to me or the blasted parrot?'

A gracious invitation

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

Social Media When People Have A Perfect Life/Reality TV When People Have A Screwed Up Life

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'Where was the TSA?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

"Recalculating route..."

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'