Storytelling Guru Gifts

'After the big race the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

"It's a sort of 'popular-attractive-kid-from-well-to-do-stable-family-succeeds-against-all-odds' story."

'He had Pixar do a film dedicated to his topic. It was a great presentation.'

Shepherd and eurydice

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

Edgar Allen Poe

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'