Storytelling Maestro Gifts

'I decided to do a video report. Do you want the classroom version or the director's cut?'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

Nathaniel Hawthorne

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

'Where was the TSA?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

He then drew a number of smaller pie charts behind the bigger chart. That helped to put it into perspective.

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

Jacques et Jille

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Little Girl Educating Her Horse.

'And this is after the creation of a Special Effects Department.'

'Who wants the talking stick?'

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

"...And I like how you switched from the first person narrative to third person—impressive." "Thanks."

"You think this is bad? Did I ever tell you about the time. . ."

"Lady... I gotta work order to fix a leaky roof."

"I was kicked out from another kid's bed. Do you mind if I crash under yours for awhile?"

Drug Testing Unit: 'Uh Oh!'

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

'And there is where you put the batteries.'

Press freedom day

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out