Storyteller Extraordinaire Gifts

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"And that's how Twitter almost crashed the Dow."

''Oh, no,' said Goldilocks, 'don't tell me that the return on investment capital is only 3 percent...'

'Once upon a time...'

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

The 3 little Rocket Scientists.

'Once upon a time'...'I've hear it.'

'I want a classic that reveals eternal truths, absolute justice and moral courage without challenging my basic prejudices.'

'I'm the good witch, and this is my house - made entirely out of dental care products.'

Jonah met a strange wooden boy in the belly of the whale.

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

'Your novel has an up-to-the-moment breaking news quality. We intend to publish it in 2012.'

And so it began...

'Oh, I would say it was at least twice that size, and it had fangs and horns too...'

Santa Special Delivery.

'We seem to have finished our business early so I may as well spend the rest of the meeting telling you about my holiday and the extension we're building.'

'I understand about Adam and Eve and the Serpent, but who's this 'Forbidden Fruit' guy?'

"Then she was like...no way! Then he was like, I didn't know, right here? Then everyone was like, yo dude, it's blue!"

"A vibrant imagination is an excellent quality for the job...but not the CV."

"Darn! And me without my camera!!"

Press freedom day

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

"I want a story that will shift my paradigm."

the romance novel

Daphne du Maurier.

"Lady... I gotta work order to fix a leaky roof."

'Mike, how's the world's greatest writer of fiction?'

"We're utilizing every major media market except for my loud-mouth gossipy brother-in-law."

'I see it as a good thing. Since we've been made superfluous, I've finally had time to work on y screenplay.'

"Whoa...I can't believe you were abducted by space aliens! Why haven't you told anyone?"

'One door closed, another opened, and I fell right out the window.'

A Chariot of Fire Takes Elijah Up To Heaven (The Holy Bible).

Yeah, I believe in a creator, but I'm not so sure about intelligent design. Epic Tale by Donna Doolil. Bob's Hat. A novel by Joe Poolz.

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out