Storyteller Behind Bars Gifts

'I have great hopes for my next alibi -- I'm taking a creative writing course.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

"It's the terrifying story of a publisher brutally murdered by an author who had his book rejected."

'Can you tell me where James Herriot lives?'

"No questions, your honor. It's all in my client's new book. Every member of the jury will find a free copy under their seats!"

'If you don't mnage to have enough sunshine you should eat more of oily fish, black caviare, eggs and butter.'

Rider's Block: Well I'll be. I've completely forgotten how to start this thing.

Carrie White found a manicurist who makes house calls.

"Why am I always the bad guy?"

'I'm only here to pep up my autobiography.'

Help! Author of the best-selling book, 'How to invest' - but lost it all in the stock market.

"Prose & Cons."

"That's enough. I refuse to compete with Anna Quindlen!"

'Well, I hope you're a people person -- the prisons are very overcrowded.'

'Why did you leave your last job after being there for twenty years?' 'I got paroled.'

'Want to bet they're more VHS tapes when we've got a Beta System?'

'This can't be right -- it says George Bush is still President!'

"Any word on my appeal?"

"I cloned a guy in Reno. How 'bout yourself?"

"Hey, this reminds me of camp when I was a kid! I won't bore you with all the stories! Well, ok. . . there was this one time. . ."

I almost didn't get this gig driving a taxi.

'The Gawlaks have two palm trees!'

"And where's the father of all these children that you don't know what to do with?"

Two men in jail: One wearing shirt with 'Guilty', the other with 'Guilty by Association'.

Excess Baggage: Some travelers collect truly unique souvenirs.

'Does this orange jumpsuit make my butt look big?'

'I have great hopes for my next alibi -- I'm taking a creative writing course.'

'Have I failed so as a mother, Robert?'

Doctor Tucker explains surgical procedure in minute detail.

'I should be finished with our harrowing tale of survival by the time we reach dry land.'

Castaway finds a television.

'The Warden said you're to stop renting out the security video of your bank robbery.'

Guy on island: 'Stop drawing cartoons about me!'

Very organised crime