Storybook Sailor Gifts

Noah's Publisher: 'No, I'm not asking you to lie. I'm asking you to embellish the truth for the sake of marketing...'

"It doesn't say, Son, whether or not Noah wore a captain's hat."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Bookworm Sleepover

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

"Where the wild things were."

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Treasure Island Book.

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Toy Boats And A Toy Ocean Liner

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

Sleeping Beauty

'He said he won't give me a new heart unless I change my lifestyle.'

'Just in case there is an accident.'

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

Alice in Wonderland: Alice and the Dodo.

'Ships plumber reporting for duty.'

Child buys 'Dracula doll': Keep in box until sunset.

fairy tales

Gracie sees a plane on Christmas Eve and tells her dad Santa is flying it.