Storybook Sailor Gifts

Noah's Publisher: 'No, I'm not asking you to lie. I'm asking you to embellish the truth for the sake of marketing...'

"It doesn't say, Son, whether or not Noah wore a captain's hat."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Bookworm Sleepover

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"Where the wild things were."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

"We could have been here sooner, but we wanted to wait until the beautiful Yellow Brick Road was built."

Treasure Island Book.

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'It'll never work. I'm reading 'Of Mice And men' and you haven't even gotten through 'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie,.'

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

Toy Boats And A Toy Ocean Liner

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Sleeping Beauty

'He said he won't give me a new heart unless I change my lifestyle.'

'Just in case there is an accident.'

Alice in Wonderland: Alice and the Dodo.

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

'Ships plumber reporting for duty.'

Child buys 'Dracula doll': Keep in box until sunset.