Storybook Enjoyers Gifts

'Digging in the garden again? Bad dog!'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Audio Books

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

"Where the wild things were."

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

'A coach would be nice. But vegetable will get me a BMW?'

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Sleeping Beauty

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Cupid

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

Many princes attempted to wake Sleeping Beauty, before one of them simply kissed her'

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Page One

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

'Bedtime stories at the Browns'.'