Storybook Devotee Pillows

"I know she's asleep, but I just got to the good part of the story!"

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

"Where the wild things were."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

Sleeping Beauty

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

Cupid

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

'He said he won't give me a new heart unless I change my lifestyle.'