Storytelling Devotee Pillows

"I hope they read the fine print that the audiobook is to be voiced by Morgan Freeman."

'How would you like a fairy tale wedding before I eat you?'

'I thought Peter Pan was a boy who never grew up, not a lady with small breasts.'

Lohengrin

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Victor Hugo

"Feel free to take notes."

Television Readers.

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

'Where was the TSA?'

Audio Books

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"On New Year's Eve, Clement and I stayed up all night drinking. Tea, of course."

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"This is what's known as a book."

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

Cinderella and Charming the Clown