Story Spoiler Gifts

He dies at the end. There, I've spoiled every story ever written. Whether it's a person, a quest, ennui, a dream, a struggle, hope, despair, innocence, cynicism, a romance, a friendship, or an estrangement

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

"You're spoiling that dog!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I ruin it for you by saying it was the butler who did it? Such a good book..."

'What're you doing, kid? You keep spoiling my surprise!'

Posh dog views expensive food and wine.

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

Bull with gun

Fortunately, Nigel had something up his sleeve.

"Ha! I found you . . . and with my wife!"

Spoiler Alert

Online Dating For Dummies

I witnessed something I can never unsee. What happened, little buddy? Some guy walking out of the "Star Wars" premiere shouted spoilers to the crowd that was waiting to see the second show. A bunch of fans who were dressed in costumes got so angry they attacked him. I don't think I can ever unsee five Ewoks and a slave Leia beating a Wookie senseless with plastic light sabers. The Wookie had it coming.

"I had no choice...The idiot was trying to tell me spoilers about the season finale of my favourite soap opera."

"It's a great film. It's quite sad though, they all die in the end!"

"I really like the author's characterizations, and her dialog is witty and well paced. . . the ending threw me off though, I never would have guessed the killer was the stepson.£

"I told you not to tell me how it ends!"

"Since you're breaking up with me, I'm giving away the spoilers to that movie you wanted to see."

Spoiler alert for "Star Trek: Discovery." Spoiler will be said in 10 … 9 … 8 … What are you doing? 7 … What on earth are you babbling about, you odd, odd cretin? 6 … 5 … 4 … Your countdown is not working, loser. I have no interest in whatever it is you're going to say. None at all. 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... Are spoilers supposed to be given after "1," or after "0"? Tell be what you're counting down to! Tell me!

"Spoiler alert!"

"...I will save you ninnies hudreds of dollars by spoiling every single upcoming superhero movie..."

SPOILER ALERT! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about "Star Wars." You don't have to say "spoiler alert," minion. It's been a month. Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive. In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences. Um ... never mind.

'You're Steve from menswear. I read it on wikileaks.'

"Spoiler alert! It's just Captain Bob's Savor Fish Shreds again."

Dog spoiling book for cat

'What's wrong, haven't you heard of Global Warming?'

'Isn't this 332 Graham st.?

"I knew the Titanic would sink, so I told everybody. Then they kicked me out of the cinema."

"The dish and the spoon? Huh. I did not see that coming."

"Don't tell me the ending."

Spoiler Alert!

Old Lady Joins Muggers.