Story Listener T-Shirts

"Well, I don't know. I guess they 'lived happily ever after' relative to all the other poor slobs in the 17th century!"

Don't be scared!

"You'll have to listen to Gramps tell you about how tough it was when he was a kid...but then he'll give you the dollar anyway!"

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Audio Books

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

'It's true what they say, you really can hear the sea in these things!'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Try me/try me/try me...

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Not even close man - easy listening's around the corner.'

"I just never 'think I can' anymore."

I can hear a podcast of yesterday's sea.

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

Fyodor Dostoevsky

"Now here's a tale that'll make you hair stand on end"

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

Queen says: 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall ... 'It's all so subjective' is not an acceptable answer.'

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair extensions.'

'Pirate's Cove is about a half mile down the beach.'

Men discussing a book on a chat show

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

"The Ugly Duckling didn't know why he was so attracted to swan culture."

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.

'Tarzan's younger brother, Ed, was raised by sloths.'

'I thought you were going for a walk in the woods. Your porridge has been cooling on the table for hours! '

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.