Store Policy Officer Pillows

NO DOGS ALLOWED!

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Good boy."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Our Two Parties, Explained

'Well, kids, it all started with a massive Federal program to combat global warming....'

Trump leaving

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

Think Tank

Economy

'The recession is over, again.'

Roe v. Wade

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

Sybil Obama

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

"Take special note of the change to our policy on honesty."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

Pre-Old Blues

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

'I tried to warn you, Fred. As the economy goes, so goes the corporate culture here!'

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

SupermarketAwful Market.