Stone Storyteller Gifts

Early man had 127 words for rock...and no words for anything else.

Shepherd and eurydice

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"We only got six days of funding."

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

Edgar Allen Poe

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

Sure, he likes it here - he's a cartoonist.

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

Honoré de Balzac