Stocking Stuffer Fan Pillows

"Let's make your list for Santa! You'll be wanting a satsuma in your stocking for starters..."

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

"Stick Figure" "Stick Figure II" "Stick Figures" "Stick Figure: The Reawakening"

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

Starvation Watching

"Who's the new guy that keeps nibbling on my neck?"

"He thinks he never makes mistakes."

'The service is so much better when you dress as royalty.'

A centipede's Christmas stockings

"Let's try 'roll over.' We can come back to this."

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

Running out of Gas.

'I was wondering if you could take this box of squirrels and make something cool with them, like a wolf?'

'An no one heard him scream when they screwed on the pump and slowly drained all his vital fluids...'

'This pea is the first vegetable that I've ever grown so I would like to have it stuffed and mounted.'

Hole Sale

Christmas Cow.

"I've been sent to rub you out pal..."

"Since we're off the grid, Madge does the cooking over a bonfire."

"I ask the jury, who among us would not have done the same, if given ready access to a huge vat of cheese and a lives streaming social media feed?"

'Just what I didn't want... chocolate euros!'

Early 3D home entertainment systems.

"Better watch it, Sheriff. It's said this guy's dang near impossible to shoot and no jail can hold 'im."

'Why does this crazy human keep throwing away my stick?'

Barista

DadMomSisBrother Stockings. Brother's has a hole in the toe.

'I gotta be honest with you. . . I wouldn't be in business if it weren't for smart folks like you who can't pass up a bargain on stuff they don't need.'

Man hangs Christmas stocking on tree.

"Before I serve seconds I'd like everyone to take out their phones and complete a short survey rating Barbara's fig-nut stuffing."

At little Jessica's tea party, nobody ate a bite, claiming they were stuffed

"Just back from lunch . . . I needed to stretch my legs."

Santa Claus

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

"I'm sorry for doubting you. I guess I can shop by myself."

Cran-Apple. Cran-Grape. Cran-Raspberry. Cran-Cran.