Stock Market Swashbuckler Pillows

Finance piracy

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

Pirate eye test

"Cap'n FancyPants got himself an i-Patch."

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

"Good news. Pork bellies just dropped four points."

Even pirates have kids. 'Look, mom...no hands!'

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

Animal worries.

Corporate pirate.

'Your indestructible portfolio will go kablooey just before your indestructible marriage goes kablooey.'

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

"I learned about the birds and the bees in school. Now tell me about the bulls and bears."

Have a very piratical Birthday

'Wow...you must have had a really bad day, eh, mate?'

Economic crisis.

'Eddy - For Heavens sake, stop watching Pirates-of-the-Caribbean-movies!'

'It's the last time you get shore leave on your own!'

'Investments in money funds increased this month on news it TAKES money to MAKE money.'

'Take your eye patch and that stupid parrot and your wooden leg and get out.'

"You are now $15,000 richer. I found the online password to your brokerage account 20 traders ago."

Got anything for the small investor?

'Sure, I'll come on board for five-hundred times your average worker's wage, plus double that in stock options, and unlimited use of the corporate jet. Also free postage.'

Funk Facts: Pirates.

'I teach history specializing in swashbuckling.'

'What's the point? We're never going to be able to compete with online piracy.'

"Well, that's not a good market indicator."

"I'm slippin' ashore for some last minute essentials..."