Stock Market Snacker Pillows

Investment Club Sandwich.

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

The Invisible Hand of the Market

Breakfast surreal.

'Remember Nitro, keep the engine running and once we've bagged the bonus cheques you floor the peddle.'

'Today the market roared back on news that greed is good for an ailing economy.'

It's 10 p.m. Do you know why stocks rise and fall, but the U.S. National debt keeps going up?

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

'Last night Warren Buffett came to me in a dream and whispered in my ear, but it was just sexual.'

"You'll never lose weight if you don't stop nibbling at your desk."

Stock quotes on beach.

Bank manager reads book entitled: Banking for Dummies.

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"There's a lot of volatility in the market right now. It's a really exciting time to be in graphs."

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

A Matter of Priorities

'Cambridge dons of electrical engineering find a way to do toast without going to the buttery.'

'Well, our financial advisor is a man of his work. He promised me the moon, then he mooned me.'

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

'We've been keeping him alive by telling him the market is up.'

"I think I see the problem..."

'My problem is, I lost my first million before I made my first million.'

'To make a long story short, your nest egg hatched a cuckoo.'

'In the early morning trading, stocks moved lower on the news that the worst days to invest in stocks are those that contain a vowel.'

'My broker advises me to have the pork bellies.'

Self Service, Self Denial

Supermarket Aisles.

'Where did you get the idea that crackers are a minimum daily requirement?'

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."

'Bill's overweight on Krispy Kreme, plus he owns the stock.'

'Those growth funds you sold me didn't work.'