Stock Market Navigator Gifts

'According to his wife, he took a clobbering on Wall Street.'

'Make sure there's still a sucker born ever minute before we launch our new IPO.'

'And their financial E.K.G. shows that they are in excellent health.'

Elevator buttons read: Way Up/up/Down/Way Down.

'I'm starting to wonder if all my 'Account Executive' got on her broker's exam was nail polish.'

'Brokers' holding 'Investors' hand while hiding around the corner of 'Market'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

'The Fed decided today not to raise or lower interest rates, but instead just moved them sideways a little.'

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

Chinese stock market

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'We need to schedule a few impromptu meetings...'

Board of Directors enter the 'Tunnel of Corporate Love'.

Bad news, boss. The rat race is out of cheese!

'I'm sorry, Collin, but our Dreyfus Mid-Cap fund completely tanked, so we're going to have to let you go.'

"I was sent on a fact finding mission. Now I'm accused of insider trading!"

Falling graphs.

'Government economists called it a 'slight market correction'.'

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

Made in China.

'Oh, just sitting around, waiting for the next computer generated trading bubble to burst, sending the market into death spiral.'

'The financial crisis is unlikely to worry me: I lay a new Golden Egg every day...'

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

'I don't believe in hoarding cash and gold Dad: I invest in shares online...'

Wall Street Investing.

'Only the years when the market was bullish...'

'You're confused? We like that in a sucker...Er...I mean, investor.'

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

Guess your net worth, only 25 cents.

Bank Stress Test

"When I opened my cupboards at home they were full of junk food, when I opened my mailbox it was full of junk mail. I'm always afraid to open my portfolio balance."

'I handle commodities and Dietrich here specialises in stocks and bonds.'

"Let's have a moment's silence to remember the profits we used to make."

'In economic news, stocks and interest rates declined, but the decimal point stayed steady.'