Stock Market Junkie T-Shirts

'Look, I told you, I'll come and have dinner just as soon as I've broken even.'

"And the good news is there is no tax on return of capital."

'In the early morning trading, stocks moved lower on the news that the worst days to invest in stocks are those that contain a vowel.'

'To make a long story short, your nest egg hatched a cuckoo.'

Stock quotes on beach.

The Invisible Hand of the Market

It's 10 p.m. Do you know why stocks rise and fall, but the U.S. National debt keeps going up?

Coming Up Next: 'Stock Market Survivors'.

'Those growth funds you sold me didn't work.'

'Remember Nitro, keep the engine running and once we've bagged the bonus cheques you floor the peddle.'

"I think I see the problem..."

A Matter of Priorities

"You are truly a man who loves the free market in fair weather or foul."

'We've been keeping him alive by telling him the market is up.'

A True Discount Broker.

I Break for Stock Tips.

'Well, our financial advisor is a man of his work. He promised me the moon, then he mooned me.'

'Hi, Honey, did our stocks fall again?'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

The day the stock market went UP.

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

And here's the office floor plan. The numbers indicate the recommended sequence in which to step on people on your way to the top.

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

A child runs an equity stand.

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'