Stimulus Junkie Gifts

'OOOOOoooooooooOOO! Steve, have you touched this new stimulus money yet?'

Mario Draghi

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?

The Invisible Hand of the Market

Keep the econoimy moving

'For five years you can't get a single politician to take any notice of you...and then half a dozen turn up at once!'

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

"And they say it's the safest 500-P/E stock out there."

'Remember Nitro, keep the engine running and once we've bagged the bonus cheques you floor the peddle.'

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

Health

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

Investing 101 Acronym Test.

"Thank you, everyone: now I'd like to introduce all the folks who made this possible for me!"

Apocalliptical

It's 10 p.m. Do you know why stocks rise and fall, but the U.S. National debt keeps going up?

Ant holds up the word 'TRIUMPH'.

Investments: Remember, tis better to have loved money and lost, than never to have loved money at all.

"D'you have any porn porn?"

Phobia Clinic: Now treating Dow 15,000 acrophobia.

'I know exactly how you feel, kid. I remember when I wiped out my first client. Of course, I'd been at the job more than 15 minutes.'

Stock quotes on beach.

"And now the award for..."

"How do you handle being a rock god?"

'What happens when we run out of gas?!'

A Matter of Priorities

"I think I see the problem..."

'We've been keeping him alive by telling him the market is up.'

'I'll have a two mile run, 150 sit ups and a side of weight training.'

'If you had a tapeworm, would you keep it?'