Stethoscope Fanatic Pillows

"I'm sorry you don't like the sound of my chest but it's the only one I've got!"

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

Canine conundrum.

"I came up through the ranks."

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

Car with enormous speakers, "I said, I love the speakers!"

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

Doctor Flattened By The ER Rush

Seneca

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

"Any chance that was you who just screamed in excruciating pain?"

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7.'

'He still hasn't got the hang of it.'

'Mrs.Neal, we did everything we could: anglopasty, laser surgery, replaced a valve, put in a shunt. . . Your husband still snores like a musk ox.'

Brain Check

"Take note, Clammerhorn. The yellow tank is helium."

Doctors' Tour

"Dr. Cosgrove will be here in a minute. He's been cramming for this operation."

Rene Laennec

'They're stereo!'

'What do you mean you don't understand! Can't you see I'm speaking Italian!'

Doctor monitoring his own heart attack.

"How do I know you're not malingering?"

"Give it to me nuanced, Doc."

"Thumpety-Thump, Thumpety-Thump, …. Ka-Chunk, Ka-Chunk, Ka-Chunk,… Thumpety-Thump. Thumpety-Thump……"

"Please excuse him...interns always worry patients don't think they're real doctors!"

"Just talk me through it step by step, nurse. I'm new to surgery."

'Gentlemen, ladies, we've just successfully removed that tiny snippet of brain that makes people want to be in politics.'

"Now with a firm twist, I'll remove his attorney."

'Joe the Plumber' The Musical.

Doctor.

'Drop it. You're a watch dog. You're just here to watch.'

If I may paraphrase Henny Youngman, I know you're out there. You an hear me breathing.