Steroid Irony Lover Pillows

'So Bob says to me, he says, 'steroid are the only way I can compete at the pro level'. I didn't have the nerve to tell him it has no effect in poker.'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

"I hope there's nothing genetically modified in this."

'Just a few more steroids and I get-a-chopping!'

If found please return to mountain

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

The Boss of the Kleptomania Clinic has turned up for work only to discover his Clinic has been stolen

"George was only interested in mega-bytes, so I got him this rottweiler..."

Looks like another hostile takeover...