Stepper Superstar Pillows

Step aerobics

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

Secretive Weigh In.

"The 'Sing Only in the Shower' Community Chorus"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

"They're going to be tough shoes to fill."

Girls in Science

101 uses of a dead cat: pincushion

"Go ahead, Perkins. I can listen to your report and roll out my hammies at the same time."

The Waiter

Quilt fanatic

"Please refrain from throwing business cards."

'See that? A pile of twigs! That's how you end up if you don't stretch properly before the game.'

'Kid, go out there and play like you're worth 29 million plus signing bonus, buyouts, and endorsement deals. '

"Enjoy it while you can, kid. It's a really short hop from 'Geek Genius' to 'Quasi-Creepy, Weird-Looking Old Rich Guy!'"

"Well I did consider a career as a 'nursie'...but then I opted for the more rewarding option of specialising in particle physics and nanotechnology."

A woman needlepoints a barcode.

"I'm not conceited although, heaven knows, I have every right to be..."

Open Mic Night

'No matter how often I do the show, I still suffer from stage fright...'

You're never too old for pilates!

'Getting old isn't so bad when you consider the only other alternative. . .'

Dog gets financial advice.

"Wait a minute - these are just the Ten Commandments of great customer service."

'...and let's get one thing straight. This ain't no yoga class for wimps.'

Aptitude tests point to a job in the wine industry for a young man with huge feet.

'Hey man, I'm going to try water boarding next.'

'So like, loan dude, isn't it O.K. to get the actual icea for the kind of e-business we'd like to start after you lend us the $50 million?'