Stepper Superstar Gifts

Step aerobics

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Secretive Weigh In.

"The 'Sing Only in the Shower' Community Chorus"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

Girls in Science

"They're going to be tough shoes to fill."

101 uses of a dead cat: pincushion

"Go ahead, Perkins. I can listen to your report and roll out my hammies at the same time."

I downloaded some SAT practice tests. I'll time you. Ok. Ready. "If Ann spends every day obsessing over stupid tests,

"Please refrain from throwing business cards."

Quilt fanatic

The Waiter

"Better get a move on, only 1,314,000 steps till Christmas."

George Best

'See that? A pile of twigs! That's how you end up if you don't stretch properly before the game.'

'Kid, go out there and play like you're worth 29 million plus signing bonus, buyouts, and endorsement deals. '

Sports Agency. In my work as a sports agent, I told this athlete she needs to improve if she wants to be well-known. Ironically, in diving you become famous by not making a splash! I got this marathon competitor a sponsorship so he can focus on training. He's going to take the money and run! This sprinter will earn a bonus if he sets a record. Oh, going after some fast money! And I made this guy agree to give me an extra slice of his pay if I negotiated a great contract for him which I di

"Enjoy it while you can, kid. It's a really short hop from 'Geek Genius' to 'Quasi-Creepy, Weird-Looking Old Rich Guy!'"

"Well I did consider a career as a 'nursie'...but then I opted for the more rewarding option of specialising in particle physics and nanotechnology."

A woman needlepoints a barcode.

"I'm not conceited although, heaven knows, I have every right to be..."

Open Mic Night

'No matter how often I do the show, I still suffer from stage fright...'

You're never too old for pilates!

Dog gets financial advice.

'Getting old isn't so bad when you consider the only other alternative. . .'

"Wait a minute - these are just the Ten Commandments of great customer service."

'It's not the meek who inherit the earth, it's the geeks.'

'...and let's get one thing straight. This ain't no yoga class for wimps.'

Aptitude tests point to a job in the wine industry for a young man with huge feet.

'Hey man, I'm going to try water boarding next.'