Steakhouse Satirist T-Shirts

'Darling, we're vegetarians. We must stop meat eating like this.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"We cancelled Netfix for this?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

"Veal or non-veal?"

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

Intolerant Chef

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

"He's Britains most eligible Spatula."

Commie Chef.

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

The Grazy Bunch!

"A Mister 'Ty Gurr' wants to reserve a table next to our fattest customer."

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

"Soup of the day? Mumbo Jumbo Gumbo."

'Mix 1lb of greed with 2oz of corruption, fold in a sprinkle of ignorance then put on the shelf...'

"Okay, so what do we add?"

'...and a food processor, but please, don't try this at home...'

"Just trying to get in on that whole 'farm-to-table' thing..."

"No wonder they didn't like it. I forgot to sprinkle the antidepressant on it."