Steak Satirist Pillows

A Cow Funeral.

Spot the difference.

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

Edna, I fear our love doesn't have a future... My parents would eat you!

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'People soup again?'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

Farmed Salmon Restaurant - Everyone squashed together.

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

Intolerant Chef

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."