Staying Informed Pillows

"For God's sake, have some populist rage."

'I'll plead guilty if you'll guarantee me 24 hour cable network news.'

Coronavirus

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Man on exercise bike with dog on treadmill

Trump pardons

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

National Everything Awareness Day

Difference of Opinion

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

The Berlin Peace Movement

"It seemed like miles to me!"

"Ok, let's get those knuckles up off the ground, arms way up high now, feet wide apart. . ."

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

New Flavors at Where's the Scoop Ice Cream

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

Reporter #6: television.

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

Woman forcing family to hike through hills.

USA Hangs the Dove of Peace

"Sir, multiple people were stabbed by a terrorist in..."

Backtrack! A game of Political Undoing

USA in Pakistan: I'm the sheriff and I shot my deputy...

John liked to involve his pet snake in his keep-fit programme.

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

BREAKING FAKE NEWS

Erdogan Replaces Trump on Putin Horse

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'