Statistic Soul-searcher Gifts

"87% of the 56% who completed more than 23% of the survey thought it was a complete waste of time."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"Existentialist Trail. Get lost then found. Nietzsche Park System"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"I haven't felt that overwhelming urge to create, but then again I haven't felt much of anything lately."

Christian and Born again Christian...

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'Of students surveyed, 64% prefer English and 32% prefer math. The fact that these numbers do not add up to 100 may help explain why.'

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"This is where things started getting really weird."

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

Existential Risk

The Anti-Materialist

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

'I don't know who I am. I have a donor heart, a donor kidney, a donor liver,a donor cornea, a donor lung...'

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''

This isn't a good time to see him --- He just got outbid for a soul on eBay. Beelzebub.

"105% of the staff who completed 84% of the process were 95% sure that it was a 100% waste of time."

"The meaning of life at a glance"

'It's not considered good form to brag about extinguishing your ego.'

"Yeah, well, we've all got baggage."

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

"I can be perfect for only one hour a day."

"I'm competitive,cruel,glad when my friends fail...I've no idea why I'm here."